Breakthrough

I've been in weight therapy with myself. As I've mentioned before, I would tell you I'm fat because a) I like to eat [this is the biggie!] b) I've had two kids in the last few years c) I'm getting older d) I don't move as much as I used to [i.e. I sit at a desk most of the day]--I could probably go all the way to z, but you get the point.

So, my therapist (me), as well as Bo.b Gre.ene, Dr. Ph.il, and all of the other weight loss "experts" would say that those are "symptoms", but not the cause. This always confused me b/c if I didn't do a-d (z) then I probably wouldn't be fat...so, sounds like a cause to me!! Occasionally I'll see on shows that people have this breakthrough discovery and realize why they're fat; something traumatic that happened to them as a child, something terrible that was said to them by someone, etc. Nothing ever terrible or traumatic has ever happened to me, and sure, I've had my fair share of hurtful things said to me, but I never believed *that* was the reason I was fat.

Then, out of the blue last week while I was watching Sup.er.Nanny, I discovered *why* I was fat. She was helping this family that had two little boys that were of course TERRIBLE. She came up with this technique to reward them for good behavior. While they were showing the footage of how it worked and how it was helping, the dad said, "The boys are starting to understand that if they want "x", they're going to have to earn it". It was a simple, simple sentence, but it hit me like a truck and has resonated with me since.

Before I go further, let me state that I don't intend to sound spoiled or egotistical when I explain the following. I've never felt like I was "owed" anything and I'm certainly not a "toot my horn" type of person (just ask my boss--he basically has to beat it out of me in my reviews!).

All my life things have come fairly easy for me. High school was a breeze, even Honors classes. I played tennis through high school. I was a decent player--won some, lost some. I was never ranked or anything, but there was never any question about me making the team. College wasn't much of a challenge, either. I did well in my classes and graduated with a 3.5 GPA. I worked at a restaurant through most of my college years and easily balanced work, school, sorority, etc. After college I got a IT consulting sales job. I hated this job, but I was good at it. I put in little effort, made decent money, and won several quarterly sales contests. I really hated it, though, and quit after I got pregnant with my first child. Speaking of which, we were really lucky that we got pregnant with both of our children so quickly--we didn't have to "work" to get pregnant like so many couples do. In my current role, I am an accountant for a large telecommunications company. This is comical b/c I know NOTHING about accounting. I was a marketing major--accounting is confusing and boring to me. However, I guess I do what I need to do to get the job done. My boss thinks I hung the moon, and who am I to argue.

With this being said, I choose to do what I know I can do. In high school, I never would have taken more math than necessary. In college, I would drop classes that I thought would be too difficult. The first job I had out of college I hated b/c sales was something out of my comfort zone and I hated being "uncomfortable" 40 hours a week. And, this job...I guess I'm "good" at it, but I definitely just do enough to get by. And, my kids? Well, ashamedly, I'm sure I've cut corners with them, too.

I don't think I'm a lazy person. In fact, I often think I do too much. I constantly have a lot of plates spinning and think they're going to come crashing down at any moment. Though I do it and I love it (except the work part!), I'm sometimes overwhelmed with the responsibilities of being a wife, mom, professional, housekeeper, friend, etc. Most days I wake up before 6 am and oftentimes don't sit down to take a break from the day until 9:30 or later. What I'm trying to say is, I'm not lazy, and honestly, I'd be more offended by someone calling me lazy than calling me fat.

If you're still reading, I promise I'm getting to a point....(I think). My point is, I'm fat because I choose to do things that I know I can do and flee from things I'm unsure of. Exercising, eating right, and being healthy to achieve weight loss and where I want my body to be is what I would consider something I'm "unsure of".

Which leads me back to the the Sup.er.Nanny quote--if I want to lose weight, I'm going to have to earn it, it's not going to be given to me. It's NOT going to come easy for me. I'm going to have to STEP OUTSIDE my comfort zone. I'm going to have CHALLENGE myself.

So, now that I know this....what now? It's time to draft my weight loss blueprint (coming soon!).