Breakthrough

I've been in weight therapy with myself. As I've mentioned before, I would tell you I'm fat because a) I like to eat [this is the biggie!] b) I've had two kids in the last few years c) I'm getting older d) I don't move as much as I used to [i.e. I sit at a desk most of the day]--I could probably go all the way to z, but you get the point.

So, my therapist (me), as well as Bo.b Gre.ene, Dr. Ph.il, and all of the other weight loss "experts" would say that those are "symptoms", but not the cause. This always confused me b/c if I didn't do a-d (z) then I probably wouldn't be fat...so, sounds like a cause to me!! Occasionally I'll see on shows that people have this breakthrough discovery and realize why they're fat; something traumatic that happened to them as a child, something terrible that was said to them by someone, etc. Nothing ever terrible or traumatic has ever happened to me, and sure, I've had my fair share of hurtful things said to me, but I never believed *that* was the reason I was fat.

Then, out of the blue last week while I was watching Sup.er.Nanny, I discovered *why* I was fat. She was helping this family that had two little boys that were of course TERRIBLE. She came up with this technique to reward them for good behavior. While they were showing the footage of how it worked and how it was helping, the dad said, "The boys are starting to understand that if they want "x", they're going to have to earn it". It was a simple, simple sentence, but it hit me like a truck and has resonated with me since.

Before I go further, let me state that I don't intend to sound spoiled or egotistical when I explain the following. I've never felt like I was "owed" anything and I'm certainly not a "toot my horn" type of person (just ask my boss--he basically has to beat it out of me in my reviews!).

All my life things have come fairly easy for me. High school was a breeze, even Honors classes. I played tennis through high school. I was a decent player--won some, lost some. I was never ranked or anything, but there was never any question about me making the team. College wasn't much of a challenge, either. I did well in my classes and graduated with a 3.5 GPA. I worked at a restaurant through most of my college years and easily balanced work, school, sorority, etc. After college I got a IT consulting sales job. I hated this job, but I was good at it. I put in little effort, made decent money, and won several quarterly sales contests. I really hated it, though, and quit after I got pregnant with my first child. Speaking of which, we were really lucky that we got pregnant with both of our children so quickly--we didn't have to "work" to get pregnant like so many couples do. In my current role, I am an accountant for a large telecommunications company. This is comical b/c I know NOTHING about accounting. I was a marketing major--accounting is confusing and boring to me. However, I guess I do what I need to do to get the job done. My boss thinks I hung the moon, and who am I to argue.

With this being said, I choose to do what I know I can do. In high school, I never would have taken more math than necessary. In college, I would drop classes that I thought would be too difficult. The first job I had out of college I hated b/c sales was something out of my comfort zone and I hated being "uncomfortable" 40 hours a week. And, this job...I guess I'm "good" at it, but I definitely just do enough to get by. And, my kids? Well, ashamedly, I'm sure I've cut corners with them, too.

I don't think I'm a lazy person. In fact, I often think I do too much. I constantly have a lot of plates spinning and think they're going to come crashing down at any moment. Though I do it and I love it (except the work part!), I'm sometimes overwhelmed with the responsibilities of being a wife, mom, professional, housekeeper, friend, etc. Most days I wake up before 6 am and oftentimes don't sit down to take a break from the day until 9:30 or later. What I'm trying to say is, I'm not lazy, and honestly, I'd be more offended by someone calling me lazy than calling me fat.

If you're still reading, I promise I'm getting to a point....(I think). My point is, I'm fat because I choose to do things that I know I can do and flee from things I'm unsure of. Exercising, eating right, and being healthy to achieve weight loss and where I want my body to be is what I would consider something I'm "unsure of".

Which leads me back to the the Sup.er.Nanny quote--if I want to lose weight, I'm going to have to earn it, it's not going to be given to me. It's NOT going to come easy for me. I'm going to have to STEP OUTSIDE my comfort zone. I'm going to have CHALLENGE myself.

So, now that I know this....what now? It's time to draft my weight loss blueprint (coming soon!).

Well, WI day has come and gone and I didn't lose any weight. I'm not at all surprised considering I chose to celebrate the weekend of the rising of our Lord with a deadly sin--gluttony. Didn't gain any either, which is good, but I've been working out for 4 weeks now (I think) and I've lost 2 lbs. I would SOOOO be voted off the Biggest Loser!!

I did have a HUGE revelation, though. I'm pretty sure I have pinpointed "why" I'm overweight--how I got this way and why I've been "stuck" this way. I have thought about this a million times and thought that maybe it was *this* or maybe it was *that*, but no--it wasn't. Now I know.

And, I'll share it with you on Monday. It's going to take more time than I have right now to explain.

Baby steps

I just ate the biggest dang lunch. Seriously, only individuals training for the sumo wrestling world championship should have eaten what I just ate. And, by individuals, I mean hippos. And, even though it technically was salad (okay, salad TRIO--Caesar, chicken salad, and pasta salad), truth is, I wasn't even really that hungry. But, I ate it.

I KNOW my biggest weight loss inhibitor is my diet. I've never minded exercise at all, but "dieting" is my arch nemisis. I guess I have what the experts would call "issues" with food. It's become increasingly popular for nutrition experts to say (at least on the talk shows I watch) that you need to get to the root cause of why you're fat and why you overeat. I've thought and thought about this and can honestly say that there hasn't been a certain incident in my life that I can pinpoint and say that that incident has subconciously caused me to overeat. Can't it just be that I enjoy eating? Can't it just be that eating is the one thing that I really do well, so I tend to overachieve at it?

Maybe. Maybe not. But, at this point I'm done thinking about it. I wish I could say that starting right now I'm only going to eat lean meat, fish 3x week, vegetables at every meal, etc. But, I know myself and I know I'm not going to do this. However, I have started to make better choices, and I'm committed to taking baby steps to slowly improve my diet. Things I've already started doing-- I'm buying ground turkey as opposed to ground beef; I'm cooking vegetables for every meal that I make at home (however, we do eat out about 3x week); I'm NOT drinking sodas; I'm cutting out fried foods.

Those are my baby steps, my friends.....

Mixed Bag

If ever there was a day to skip the gym, it should be today. It is RAINING SIDEWAYS. And hard. But, being the committed exerciser that I am, I went to the gym anyway.

Actually, I really felt like I *had* to go. My plans for the day got interrupted yesterday when I stayed home with my *non-sick* daughter and I didn't make it to the gym at all. (You see, her daddy came downstairs as I was about to leave for work and said Landry had just thrown up. I decided immediately I'd work from home and keep her with me. Within 30 minutes she was jumping on the mini-tramp in my bedroom--I got suspicious--this is either going to make her blow chunks like chunks have never been blown before, or she's not sick. As it turns out, it was the latter. Apparently, Jeff was brushing her "teeth" too hard and she gagged and threw up.)

And, I blew my back-up plan, too. Plan B was to do my exercise DVD. I bought this DVD after I had Korley almost two years ago. I had seen a story about it on our local news and how people were having amazing results, so I ordered it. We were going on a beach vacation with some friends when Korley was 4 months old, so my goal was to NOT look like a fat pregnant heifer during the vacation. The DVD worked--by vacation time I only looked like a fat heifer. Seriously, it is a good DVD and I did lose inches, but the problem is that the DVD is SO. DANG. BORING!!!! The production quality is horrible--I'm pretty sure they filmed it in some sort of hotel conference room. Actually, make that motel conference room. I'm way off track now, but my point is, I couldn't bring myself to fighting through an hour of boringness.....

....not while Dancing With the Stars was on!! However, then I saw Edyta and her freakin' 12-foot-long faboulous legs and I wished I had done something yesterday. Snap!

What I DO Know....

I'm certainly no exercise and diet guru. If I were, I wouldn't need to lose in the ballpark of 40 lbs. But, I've been on plenty of exercise and diet programs in the past and here's what I know about myself. Note: these are the things I think about on the elliptical machine.....

--Speaking of the elliptical, I prefer it far more than the treadmill. I don't love it, but it's my cardio machine of choice.

--"Experts" always say you need to burn more calories than you consume. I tend to burn about 100 calories/10 min of cardio. That means that if I'm eating about 1200 calories a day, I need to do more than 120 minutes (2 hours!!) of cardio. This poses two problems....1) No way in heck am I doing more than 2 hours of cardio (in one day) and 2) I'm pretty sure I'm eating more than 1200 calories/day.

--Which brings me to my next point....something is better than nothing. I've taken a new approach with exercise *this* time. In my old work-out life, I tried to map out for the week what I would do at the gym. Usually, I would break the plan by Wednesday or Thursday, get down on myself, and forget doing anything for the rest of the week. My approach now is to do what I want. If I want to do cardio/upper body one day, fine. If I want to just do lower body one day, fine. If I just want to do 20 minutes of lunges, fine. My new philosophy is "something is better than nothing". {I can almost see personal trainers across America rolling their eyes}

--I cannot drink cokes (cokes in Texas is Coke, Diet Coke, Dr Pepper, Pepsi--anything carbonated) and lose weight. Something about carbonation *bloats* me and inhibits me from losing weight. Plus, I'd rather eat my calories than drink them.

--I'm changing my WI day to Wednesday. Monday is a stupid WI day. Who's going to lose weight after the weekend? Plus, Tessa's day is Wednesday and maybe if I change my day to her day, I'll lose as much weight as she has. ;)

--Speaking of WI, I did lose ONE pound from last Monday to this past Monday. Considering how hard I didn't work, I'll take it. Plus, if I keep this up, I'll be at my goal weight in 40 weeks.....sigh!

Good news/Bad news

Good news--I went back to the gym today. Yesssssss.....20 minutes of the elliptical and 40 minutes of upper body strength training.

Bad news--I haven't lost one itty bitty pound in two weeks.

Good news--I didn't gain any, either. Which is somewhat of an accomplishment in itself considering.....

Bad news-- since the last workout I've eaten Outback, Chili's three times, Snuffer's, Abuelo's, my body weight in sushi rolls, and a bunch of other unhealthy crap. Oh, and my Girl Scout cookies came yesterday....ugh!

Good news--I feel like I'm back on track. I was good at working out two weeks ago, not at all last week, and I liked the way I felt two weeks ago better.